(NOTE: The following review will contain minor spoilers necessary solely for the discussion of plot and/or characters.  If you’re the type of reader who prefers a review entirely spoiler-free, then I’d encourage you to skip down to the last few paragraphs for the final assessment.  If, however, you’re accepting of a few modest hints at ‘things to come,’ then read on …)
 
From the film’s IMDB.com page citation:
“Medieval knights executed for their black magic rituals come back as zombies to torment a group of vacationing college kids.”
 
Well … good grief, IMDB.com.  Not that anyone’s watching sometimes, but that synopsis?  That’s barely even accurate.  Yes, Tombs Of The Blind Dead does focus on these re-animated medieval knights – they definitely possess a Templar-style look, though I’ve read that was not specifically intended – but the vacationing college kids?  The two women were former college roommates – a curiously-included subplot involved their (cough cough) dalliance with lesbianism, a make-out session that pretty much sprang up with what I’ll call European ease – but they’ve clearly moved on from school and are in the prime of their post-educational lives.  Granted, one of them still has her schoolgirl charms (and looks), but the other?  Well … who am I to talk?
 
As has been known to happen to me when I’m exploring some of these throwback Horror imports, I’ll do a bit of research that leads me to find both the making-of these pictures and what happens to them subsequently far more interesting than the stories themselves.  This isn’t to suggest that Tombs is all that bad as a feature production; it’s loaded with some solid location photography along with some very proficient in-camera effects work from the era.  I don’t believe writer/director Amando de Ossorio achieved anything deserving huge accolades with this work, but I have read that it was mostly warmly received by Spanish audiences as well as other European markets.  In fact, one source strongly suggests that Ossorio almost singlehandedly resurrected the zombie flick for Spain; and I suppose that fact alone explains just how this otherwise thin affair paved the way for not one, not two, but (apparently) three sequels.
 
Such success always says something, though I’ll admit to some confusion as to what specifically.
​
As for outside of Spain?  Horror scholars and academics have apparently written fondly about Tombs.  Wikipedia.org states that it was originally known as The Blind Dead in the United States, though a few years later some enterprising studio executives crafted the idea to re-edit the production alongside newly inserted footage that somehow (???) tied the resulting adventure into the more widely known Planet Of The Apes saga.  The new cut was, aptly, titled Revenge From Planet Ape.  Go figure.
 
But as to the efficacy of the original?
​

Having seen an ungodly number of zombie pictures myself, I just fail to see a good deal worth writing home about.  I’ve always been a stickler for the ‘hows’ and the ‘whys’ that make these supernatural yarns work, and Tomb is more than a bit light.  It would seem that these knights come out of their graves at night for the sole purpose of … well … other than sucking the blood from anyone who might happen along this haunt in the Spanish outskirts that would appear to be their only nocturnal activity.  (Me? I prefer a good book.)  Ossorio’s script suggests that the locals are fully aware that this tiny, abandoned villa is haunted, and it doesn’t appear to have impacted tourism to the country’s detriment.  Sadly, ghostbusting didn’t grow en vogue until the mid-1980’s, but that’s another franchise entirely.
 
My biggest concern with it is the fact that these knights both are and are not presented as zombies … at least, so far as audiences have been educated on such matters.  Clearly, they’re ghosts of a sort … right?  I mean, these are reanimated ghouls shown rising out of their individual graves – giving credence to their being legitimate ‘undead’ – but apparently, they sleep through the day, very similar to the science of vampires.  And they’re shown sustaining themselves with the drinking of blood of their victims, swinging that door open to defining in as something more than traditional zombies – whose diet consists of flesh and brains – but Ossorio stops short of confirming any greater specificity.  So they’re arguably more than the routine walking dead, and I think a stronger script should’ve given viewers a bit more for their investment.
 
Ultimately, Horror films are about atmosphere, and I’m happy to say that in that respect Tombs works in spite of any narrative weakness.  The director assembled the requisite time and place wherein this spectral madness comes to life, choosing to set his nightmare amidst the blackness of night and seemingly tying the deeds of these dark knights to this abandoned locale.  He doesn’t exactly stick to those particulars perfectly, but regardless Tombs achieves good results as a haunted house story, one given a suitable mythological origin that should’ve served as a warning to any wayward traveler: look elsewhere for your own personal safety or enter at your own risk.  This alone makes it a worthy picture.
 
Outside of the solid but small(ish) effects, location shooting, and costume work, Tombs is still a bit flat.
​
​Betty Turner (played by Lone Fleming) inadvertently steals the male gaze of Roger Whelan (César Burner) away from her former college roommate, Virginia White (María Elena Arpón).  In a form of silent protest, Virginia takes her luggage and leaps from the slow-moving train the three have boarded for a weekend away; and she instead takes up holiday in the ghostly town of Berzano.  As you might’ve guessed (or should’ve at this point), the knights rise after dark, take more than a few bites from the fetching lass, and leave her for dead.  Once they realize that the lady might be in some jeopardy, Betty and Roger make their way to the spooky village, where they are greeted by the police who’ve discovered Ms. White’s grizzled body.  At this point, Roger and Betty decide they’re going to privately get to the bottom of this mystery, a crusade that ultimately won’t end well … but does it ever in zombie pictures?

There’s a bit more to the story – subplots involving a group of nearby smugglers and one of filmdom’s least necessary rape sequences – but all of this is truly second-fiddle to the knights and their quest to … well … just haunt the place and drink blood.  Performances of the live players are mostly flat and predictable, though I’ll admit to having a soft spot for Veronica Llimera’s tragically underused character of ‘Maria,’ Betty’s comely assistance back at the mannequin factory.  (She’s a bit full of herself but in a good way.)  It all comes to an end with more than a few more curious deaths and the cannibalization of the passengers of a passing train.  Yes, it’s all left so obviously wide open for a follow-up that I suspect even George A. Romero was blushing at the prospects.
 
Sometimes, it’s all just better off dead.
 
Tombs Of The Blind Dead (1972) was produced by Interfilme and Plata Films S.A.  DVD distribution (for this particular release) is being coordinated by the fine folks at Synapse Films.  As for the technical specifications?  While I’m no trained video expert, I found the sights-and-sounds to be of exceptional quality, though I’ll admit to being no huge fan of mono soundtracks.  (It’s a bit tinny here and there, so be warned.)  Lastly, if you’re looking for special features?  This two-disc set includes the original Spanish-language uncut version of the film along with a curious ‘Americanized’ edit (that ties in with the Planet Of The Apes franchise) along with multiple commentary tracks; a full-length documentary exploring Spain’s flirtation with zombie pictures; some featurettes; a still gallery; theatrical trailers; and a few tidbits to explore.  It’s a very impressive collection, and I suspect fans of this production – as well as Horror aficionados – will spend some time with it.
 
Recommended.
 
Tombs Of The Blind Dead (1972) manages to occasionally evoke some interesting atmosphere, and that’s a huge plus to all of this considering how bland most of performances are from those still living with a pulse.  While the film is credited with giving Spanish Horror a bit of a theatrical resurgence, I can’t help but figure there are better examples of such frightening delights in that nation’s expansive catalogue of efforts.  It’s a bit long – and even a bit dull in a rather exhaustive set-up – and yet some of it works marvelously in spite of itself.
 
In the interests of fairness, I’m pleased to disclose that the fine folks at Synapse Films provided me with a complimentary Blu-ray of Tombs Of The Blind Dead (1972) by request for the expressed purposes of completing this review.  Their contribution to me in no way, shape, or form influenced my opinion of it.

​-- EZ

Well, well, well ... good afternoon, gentle readers, and welcome to Wednesday!

Might I extend to all of you my deepest, deepest apologies for not getting this daily announcement up earlier.  I was up and puttering this morning, but I needed to get in my morning jog, and then I had to get ready to head out to school (it was my morning volunteering to coach one of the local speech teams), and then it all just slipped away from me until moments ago ... at which point I fully remembered that I hadn't put anything up already ... so shame on me!

In any event ...

I did manage to watch a few films yesterday, and I'm fully intent upon penning two new reviews for the Main Page.  I'm also pondering some deep, deep thoughts as to what I made of The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon's first season.  Frankly, I'm not sure I'll get up a review for that, but it's looking more favorable with each passing day.  As I mentioned previously, I decided to forego individual episode reviews, and I'll stick by that: I just didn't see enough substantively to comment on with the separate installments, but I do think I have something to say about the full journey of the inaugural season.  So watch this space tomorrow, as I don't think I'll finish any of these up today.  Who knows?  I've been wrong before ...

But what matters most is the Daily Citations, and I'm thrilled to share an incredible 61 different blurbs for your attention.  Interested patrons can find them right here ...
​

As always, thanks for reading ... thanks for sharing ... thanks for being a fan ... and live long and prosper!

​-- EZ

From what I can recall, there were a whole helluva lot of people excited about 2023’s The Creator when its big, bold, and brash theatrical trailer dropped.
 
In fairness, some of the resulting excitement could be attributed to the fact that – as of late – many of fandom’s biggest intellectual properties have been seen as underperforming by a very large percentage of the audience.  Star Wars – even its TV iterations – have kinda/sorta disappeared from the horizon, and – even though I’ve never been a big Marvel guy – the Mouse House’s explorations of All Things Spandex have stalled in terms of popularity and casual interest.  (Do NOT get me started on the DC lineup!)  Add to the equation that the recently-ended writers strike and the ongoing actors strike has ground the news cycle to a halt and maybe – just maybe – that whole “it’s never been a better time to be a fan” sensibility reminds us that, indeed, there has been a better time to be a fan … and it isn’t now.  As you might guess, The Creator was perhaps anticipated by many as being able to fill a gaping chasm left in the entertainment landscape.  It’s not uncommon for fans to embrace new ideas this way.
 
Well …
 
Sadly, The Creator opened to rather dismal box office numbers – I think it placed third in its first weekend on screens – and it’s resounding failed to ignite fires anywhere that I roam to gauge the heat.  I have read a good deal on commentary about it being a somewhat ‘failed masterpiece,’ and – having seen it this past weekend – I’m not even sure I’d agree with that assessment.  Frankly, I found it all a bit confusing, a surprising twist given the fact that I loved what writer/director Gareth Edwards did with Monsters (2010) and even more with Rogue One (2016).  Perhaps trying to do too much with too little (story and money) truly cursed this outing to cultural obscurity, and maybe it’ll take some time to see if it can emerge as a bona fide cult classic if found and explored in the months and years ahead.
 
Still … I’m inclined to say “no,” and those who really want to know the particulars are advised to stay tuned.
 
(NOTE: The following review will contain minor spoilers necessary solely for the discussion of plot and/or characters.  If you’re the type of reader who prefers a review entirely spoiler-free, then I’d encourage you to skip down to the last few paragraphs for the final assessment.  If, however, you’re accepting of a few modest hints at ‘things to come,’ then read on …)
​

From the film’s IMDB.com page citation:
“Against the backdrop of a war between humans and robots with artificial intelligence, a former soldier finds the secret weapon, a robot in the form of a young child.”
 
Generally speaking, I think Science Fiction and Fantasy fans have long tolerated a bit of politics with their storytelling.
 
The truth is that this genre has always been at the forefront of presenting some of society’s most constructive criticism, be it conversations about how utopia is attainable or even what First Contact by an intelligent species other than our own (snicker snicker) might look like.  Yes, we’ve examined the hard science of defense, teleportation, and space travel; and we’ve been willing to hold them up in even critical light, asking what it could mean for not our own but subsequent generations and how their world could be negatively impacted by all of it.  Perhaps more than any other genre, ours begins with a concept that could court controversy right out of the gate; so fans have been accustomed to setting aside their differences if for no other purpose than to be entertained.
 
And specifically, writer/director Gareth Edwards has tackled some political ideas in his quest to deliver some inspired pictures to the silver screen.  Monsters (2010) used the backdrop of third world countries to take a look at how our entire planet might deal with an alien invasion of a different sort.  Godzilla (2014) – by its very nature – loosely introduces the dangers of nuclear power and what it might unintentionally unleash on the world-at-large.  Rogue One (2016) took a close look at the galaxy far, far away via its own military-industrial complex; and the creation of a planet-destroying space station showed audiences what unchecked military power can achieve when no one’s watching the watchers.
 
However, the politicization of these stories was extremely light.  If anything, the resulting politics and/or political discussions were little more than an undercurrent – something that could be felt or even completely missed by the more casual viewers.  Folks watching closely – critics, academics, etc. – could choose to make more of these elements were they so inclined, but Edwards never let them get in the way of weaving a good story – first and foremost.
 
Alas, a bit of nuance could’ve been used with The Creator as even its name – with its Biblical overtones – bit down and never let go.
 
Joshua (played by John David Washington) is a soldier whose specialty appears to be infiltration of terrorist groups.  In the opening sequence, he’s been tasked with a deep cover assignment into enemy territory and has managed to align himself with a group of machine/human hybrids defending artificial intelligence from annihilation.  He’s fallen in love with Maya (Gemma Chan), a cyborg who’s now pregnant with his child, and they’re smitten with the idea of spending forever together.  But an unanticipated military assault brings their wedded bliss to an end with Maya seemingly killed in the exchange and Joshua recalled to the States.
​

Five years later, the U.S. military recalls the soldier to active duty when it appears that Maya is still alive and operating with a new cell, one that has perfected ‘the ultimate A.I. weapon’ that might turn the tide of war in favor of the machines.  Moved by the chance to be reunited with the woman of his dreams, Joshua agrees to provide his support, though it looks increasingly likely that he’s only doing so for selfish reasons.  When the crack commando discovers that the purported weapon is little more than a female child (Madeleine Yuna Voyles) that might be linked directly to him, he takes young Alphie on-the-run in hopes that they can evade capture long enough for them to rescue Maya and disappear into obscurity.  Love is love, after all, so who’s to say a little love among enemies is wrong?
 
Edwards has crafted his war story with a few noticeable downsides.
 
First off, he’s written a yarn that’s wildly anti-American if not specifically anti-Western Civilization.  From the film’s opening scenes, it’s very clear that the good ol’ United States of America – that Bastian of democracy that has saved the world from global conflicts at least twice – is clearly “on the wrong side of history” by having not only declared war on Artificial Intelligence but has fabricated evidence seemingly to convince whatever countries remain to join forces against the machines.  Throughout the picture, Edwards has imbued only persons of color and/or persons of non-White heritage as being the good guys, even going so far as to enlist laudable actress Allison Janey in her most masculine role yet.  She and her compatriots have no moral compass whatsoever, and they’ll maim, kill, and obliterate anything and anyone that gets in the way of achieving whatever U.S. interests are on the list.
 
Second, Edwards has kinda/sorta turned the world of tomorrow on its head compared to damn near anything in Science Fiction that’s come before.  Namely, he’s asserted that Artificial Intelligence is the savior of our world, and he’s penned his script in such a way as to give only those characters augmented with such technology as being truly good, noble, and righteous.  This, of course, flies in the face of damn near any reasoned argument that’s been made in the last ten years – why, even Edwards’ own industry has declared war on A.I. in the recent writers and actors strikes.  Hasn’t the public forum been replete with some of our best and brightest warning us about the dangers of embracing this level of technology? Certainly, the Terminator and Skynet would be blushing over Edwards’ willingness to fall in love with such an idea.
 
Lastly, for reasons unknown Edwards seems to be operating from a frame of mind that the U.S. has legal rights to engage in open warfare in any country around the globe, and such a concept is astoundingly misinformed.  Apparently, the writer has missed a whole slew of political thrillers that show the lengths to which America has to go just to get a single small squad of soldiers into any active arena outside of its own territories; so the fact that the Army of the Future would both have and maintain active fighting arsenals in each of the locales defies logic.  Yes, I realize this is (A) fiction and (B) the future; but I can’t even begin to imagine any nation would surrender its sovereignty so easily given the fact that there never appears to be any authentic R-I-S-K from A.I. in this film.  They’re essentially outcasts – the lowest of the low – so the fact that they pose any danger in any of this is almost laughable.
 
But the script’s problems aren’t all tied to the director’s political opinions.
​

Arguably, the entire film is founded on never really explaining much of its science.  For example, Alphie somehow has been given the seemingly magical ability of turning on and turning off power to damn near anything big or small: the only applicable rule is that she must be in close proximity to it.  As the film wears on, it becomes unclear just how close she has to be – early sequences has her reasonable far away from power stations and the like while the big finish requires her to be seated aboard America’s premiere airship, the Nomad.  Why the change?  If she only had to be close by, then why change the rules to require her to be on it?  Is that because it was more cinematic?  If so … fail.  And that big campaign at the end?  When did Alphie and Josh draw it up?  At one point, they’re only together privately for a few seconds, and there’s absolutely no way they could’ve concocted this on-the-fly.  It just makes zero sense, and that cheapens what could’ve been an otherwise effective and emotional finale.
 
If one sets aside the obvious politicization, then all we’re left with are the performances.
 
Sigh.
 
Washington – as much as he tries – evokes very little emotion in any of this.  His best moments are those involving Maya, as he makes no real connection to Alphie until fairly late in the picture.  Chan did fabulous work aboard the AMC series Humans – this is not her first rodeo as it pertains to playing synthetic people – but she’s wasted here, seemingly cast more as robotic eye candy than anything resembling an A.I. with the ability to feel real pain and grow real relationships.  The young Voyles does a better-than-average job handling the precocious kid duties here, and – honestly – I think she deserved a better script, one that might’ve paired her up with adults capable of sharing the screen with this fledgling actress who might have a bright future.  It’s so hard to tell, mostly because so much of this just felt empty to me.
 
The Creator (2023) was produced by 20th Century Studios, New Regency Productions, and Entertainment One.  The film is presently screening around the world theatrically.  As for the technical specifications?  An awful lot has been written about the film’s extremely affordable budget, especially as it pertains to its pretty vast reliance on special effects.  In that respect, yes, The Creator is very impressive.  Stylistically?  Again, I’ll avoid nitpicking, but I will add it didn’t feel all that epic in a few spots.  As for the special features?  As I watched this one on the silver screen, there were no special features under consideration.
 
Recommended, but …
 
Don’t be confused, folks: I struggled with a great deal of The Creator (2023) when it comes to its world building, its character definitions, and its rather obvious (if not shamefully so) politics; and yet it’s still a flick that’s worth seeing.  The performances work reasonably well for the story as crafted, and the effects work is mostly very good quality.  I tried to be very clear above on what I felt were some narrative drawbacks, and I’d be remiss to take another visit to this dark tomorrow even if a sequel were possible.  It just wasn’t all that interesting on the fundamental levels, making it a miss so far as this old school SciFi junkie is concerned.

​-- EZ

Holy mother of dragons, folks ... did you see that?  Did you see that today has an incredible 98 different trivia citations for you to enjoy?  Good grief, I oughta win an award or something, no?

Nah, nah, nah.  I do it for love.  Nothing else.

In any case, good morning and Happy Tuesday, gentle readers.  Here's hoping your week is shaping up exactly the way it should, meaning that all is well and things are well under control.  Not so much at the Z-House: I'm puttering this morning around this place, doing laundry, and trying to commit to a review for The Creator.  If I'm lucky, then I'll have it up for you later today, so keep your eyes peeled.

Otherwise ... 98 different trivia citations.  Wowza.  Quite a big haul, if I do say so myself.
​
Also, I wanted to do a quick recap on the MainPage announcements from yesterday.

In Memoriam: Suzanne Somers (1946-2023)

In Memoriam: Piper Laurie (1932-2023)

In Memoriam: Mark Goddard (1936-2023)

As I've often stated, I kinda/sorta hate doing those type of announcements, but they're part and parcel of life, it would seem.  Taking a moment to reflect on the people, places, and events who've touched the worlds of All Things Fantastic is the proper thing to do if for no better reason than to remind each of us that life is short, make the best of it, and stop to smell the roses when and if life gives you the chance.  Each of us gets one ticket -- so far as we know -- and I encourage you to check out the scenery before it's all gone.

In the meantime, keep plugging away.  Keep doing that which brings you joy and/or makes you greater than you were yesterday.  There are those who say that life itself is a long-distance race, and I suppose that's true.  What I don't like about the analogy is that it implies there's some trophy waiting at the finish -- as if we were all in competition with one another.  Yes, yes, and yes: I realize that there are some who say that's true, but I like to think that we're all in this game together.  It isn't so much whether or not you win ... but that you do play the game.  Keep at it.

We're all winners.

As always, thanks for reading ... thanks for sharing ... thanks for being a fan ... and live long and prosper!

​-- EZ

Back in the days of my distant youth, I can remember days when all of the guys were talking about Lost In Space.

Where I grew up in the middle of nowhere, the Irwin Allen show was pretty popular mostly because -- if I remember correctly -- it was one of the first live-action shows on television right after school.  (No, no, and no: this isn't first-run, but rather this was the days when the program was syndicated.)  So if you wanted to watch something in between school time and supper time then the hour-long Lost In Space fit the bill pretty perfectly.  While I was never that big a fan of it, I'll admit to watching quite a bit of the episodes over and over and over again, and that was because it fit the bill for reasonably interesting Science Fiction of that bygone era.

Mark Goddard was Major Don West, a kinda/sorta younger version of what William Shatner was doing with his 'captain' over on that other, more cerebral franchise; and it's pretty clear that his character was always intended to be that young, brash hero who'd rush in to save the day against all odds and maybe even his own personal safety.  Sadly, that kind of (cough cough) "toxic masculinity" would seem to be in short supply these days, but for those of us who grew up at a time when men were men Goddard played his part perfectly ... and he stole the heart of a young Robinson lady along the way.

Alas, none of us lasts forever, and I just noticed this morning that the actor has sadly passed away.

He continued working well after his time aboard Lost's three seasons in the Final Frontier, but I suspect that those of us who grew up in that generation will always remember him out there doing what he could to keep himself and the Robinson family safe from some of television's weirdest creatures.  Hopefully those memories will always bring a smile to the face of fans everywhere.

Our deepest sympathies are extended to the family, friends, and fans of Mr. Goddard.

May he forever rest in peace.

​-- EZ

Twin Peaks remains one of the greatest unsung properties in the realms of the Fantastic, and -- alas -- the franchise has lost another one of its central players: word reached my desk over the weekend of the passing of the celebrated actress Piper Laurie.

Much like so many, hers is not a name one might immediately identify with Science Fiction, Fantasy, and Horror.  Across her storied career, she did make a few entries into these realms, though her time aboard Peaks is likely the biggest for so many who traffic in this space.  Still, I'd be remiss if I didn't mention a few other stops that are worth our attention.

In 1985, she played 'Aunt Em' aboard the Walt Disney Company's attempt to recapture some screen magic with Return To Oz.  The flick did enjoy a 1986 Oscar nomination in the category of 'Best Special Effects' along with a 1986 Saturn Award nomination in the category of 'Best Fantasy Film.'

​Furthermore -- around the same time -- the lady paid a pair of visits to the world of the mid-1980's incarnation of Rod Serling's The Twilight Zone for CBS.

In 1989, she guested aboard the popular TV serial Beauty And The Beast with Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton.

In 2000, she played a role aboard the pay cable telefilm Possessed, an exploration of a controversial exorcism that the Catholic Church performed in the United States.

In 2012, some college kids again found themselves in some dark territory -- namely, Horror -- and the actress headlined a little something something called Bad Blood.

While those are the biggest ticket items I see on her resume, there were a few others.  But this storied actress -- with an incredible 11 award wins to her name -- will certainly be missed by those who celebrate talent on screens big and small.

Our heartfelt prayers are extended to the family, friends, and fans of Ms. Laurie.

May she forever rest in peace.

​-- EZ

As I've often written, not every icon I cover in this pages are hip deep in the world of Science Fiction and Fantasy.

As Fate would have it, not every motion picture or television star lands a job in a SciFi show.  Not every male or female is destined to captain a starship, suit up in spandex, or face the Apocalypse and come out ahead.  While that would be grand, indeed -- just think of how many shows we'd have to choose from -- life just doesn't transpire that way ... and, as I've said, we have to find ways to celebrate those little moments when a celebrity only dabbles in the realms of the Fantastic ... such is the case today with a memorial post for the great and funny Suzanne Somers.

This lovely lady is an actress who made millions laugh with her work aboard the sexy sitcom Three's Company back in the days of my youth.  In the role of Chrissy Snow, she kinda/sorta personified the whole 'dumb blonde' for a generation; though her character always had a heart of gold, she couldn't be counted on for something like defusing a nuclear warhead if her life depended on it.  (But if her body depended on it?  Well, that might be a different story!)  She had pretty impeccable comic chops, and she had a body like few are gifted.  As a pin-up, I believe she appeared in the pages of Playboy Magazine twice, so there's something to be said for natural beauty for those who like Googling.

In 1977, she guested aboard an episode of The Six Million Dollar Man, one of the biggest SciFi juggernauts of that TV generation; and that's chiefly how I get the opportunity to give her a proper nod in these pages.

Alas, word reached my desk only yesterday that the lady inevitably succumbed to a long, long, long battle with cancer.

Our thoughts and prayers are extended to the family, friends, and fans of Ms. Somers.

May she forever rest in peace.

​-- EZ

Good morning and Happy Monday, gentle readers!

How was your weekend?  Here's hoping it was nothing short of spectacular!

Yes, yes, and yes: I'm back in the fight this morning, though today's contributions will admittedly be a bit light (most likely).  I still have a few items to get to today that'll keep me from the blog, so you'll all have to make do with whatever content I can stuff into the seams, as they say.  Apologies, but today is the last day of the vacation, so there's that.

Still, I'm leaving you with an astonishing 64 different trivia citations to behold, so that has to count for something, no?  Well, it should tide you over until I can get up something original for you to digest.

I did manage to take in The Creator yesterday.  Sigh.  It was ... okay, at best.  Visually exciting, but I still had an awful lot of questions.  I'm tinkering on a review, so keep your eyes peeled.

Confession time: it took me more than a single viewing to get into the world of Smallville.

You have to understand, folks: I'm probably one of the planet's biggest Superman fans, and I wasn't all that thrilled initially with the idea of seeing him as the typical American high schooler.  The first time I saw the pilot episode, I wasn't all that impressed, so I tuned it out.  However, somewhere around the show's third or fourth season, I gave it another chance.  The second time?  Why, it felt a bit more organic.  A bit more authentic.  This time, I hung with it for a few episodes, and I accepted it as another incarnation of Big Blue.  I hung with it all the way through the ninth season ... at which point it had kinda/sorta veered so far off the rails with its original storytelling that it soured for me.  I've never watched that tenth season, and I've been told by a few online fans that I'm not missing all that much.  Maybe someday I'll give it a whirl.

Still, I have a lot of respect for the little show that could.  For a time, it was arguably some of the smartest superhero writing on television.  Of course, it had highs and lows -- all shows do -- but it definitely became something special for those who still believe a man can fly.  True story.
​

Well -- lo and behold -- there's a good deal more for all of you to enjoy on this day, so let me get you to where you're all wanting to go ...
​

As always, thanks for reading ... thanks for sharing ... thanks for being a fan ... and live long and prosper!

​-- EZ

Well, well, well ... even spacemen need a couple days off, peeps ...

​Good morning and Happy Wednesday, gentle readers.  It's the middle of the week yet again -- the Hump Day, as it's more commonly known -- and I just wanted to pop in for a few minutes today to let you know that I'll be off the grid for a few days.  The wifey and I are heading into the Great Unknown for a personal escape.  As I'm a bit under-the-weather, we'll likely be taking things a lot easier than we had originally intended (getting old sucks, don't let anyone tell you any different), but that should never stop one from escaping the Daily Grindhouse for more colorful pursuits.  Don't you worry: if I do and/or see anything really exciting, then I'll be sure to share in this space.  Keep your eyes peeled, as they say.

Otherwise, it's grim times, folks.

​I don't need to tell you that there are developments in the wide, wide world that never bode well.  War is Hell -- truer words have never been spoken and/or written -- and while I do generally try to avoid delving into such complex global matters I'd be remiss if I didn't say minimally that events are in motion that might likely change the face of civilization for certain parts of our Big Blue Marble.  It's sad that some feel the need to act out on their violent impulses -- I'll not even try to posit myself as one who understands the complexity of foreign affairs because I'm the last person any of you should be looking to for either a history lesson much less guidance -- but I am all for folks defending themselves against aggression ... whatever that action may entail.

But -- as I said -- that's really not the purpose of this announcement, so I'll let that be.

In the meantime, keep chasing whatever dreams fuel your imagination, folks.  So far as we know, this is the only ride we get; and each of us should endeavor to make it one for the history books!

Also ... enjoy the peace and quiet as yours truly tries to catch up on his sleep.  Haha!

As always, thanks for reading ... thanks for sharing ... thanks for being a fan ... and live long and prosper!

​-- EZ

Having grown up in the absolute heyday of direct-to-video schlock, I can assure you that I’ve seen more than my fair share of silver screen disasters.
 
Back in the day of the original VHS explosion, I and my friends would damn near pick up anything off the shelves for rental.  All it had to do was have the promise in its packaging of being remotely entertaining.  Considering just how low the bar for entertainment was set for a bunch of high school men, we sat through so much visual garbage that I’m sure I’ve lost count of how many buckets of low-budget blood I’ve seen spilled.  Suffice it to say, I like to think I’m a better reviewer for having experienced so very much that my readers will thankfully never have to endure; but that hasn’t stopped filmmakers from attempting to assemble such like-minded fare in the more modern era.  The truth is that there will likely always be an audience for bad films, so I suggest everyone involved just buckle up, pop some corn, and always – always – expect the worst.
 
But even I can be gobsmacked, it would seem, as I just concluded a home screening of a little ‘something something’ that truly broke new ground in the world of cinematic lunacy: 2006’s Lycan Colony looked to be a backwoods potboiler about misplaced teen lust paving the way to a small town’s confrontation with werewolves when – lo and behold – this extremely low-budget Peyton Place morphed into one of the biggest sources of unintended laughter I’ve seen in ages.  It’s so bad it gives ‘bad’ a new definition, but that never stops this embarrassment of riches from pushing through its lowest of lows and, minimally, bringing audiences to its big (cough cough) feel good ending.
 
Egad.
 
(NOTE: The following review will contain minor spoilers necessary solely for the discussion of plot and/or characters.  If you’re the type of reader who prefers a review entirely spoiler-free, then I’d encourage you to skip down to the last few paragraphs for the final assessment.  If, however, you’re accepting of a few modest hints at ‘things to come,’ then read on …)
 
From the film’s IMDB.com page citation:
“Some small towns hold many secrets.  Two siblings and a newly settled doctor’s family are about to find out this town’s darkest secret … the hard way.  The town folks are good and evil werewolves!  And all things are not as they appear.”
​

Back in the 1980’s, one of the exercises a professor of film studies took us through – with noble intentions, mind you – was to watch a failed production for the purpose of figuring out the how’s and the why’s of its failure.  Now – admittedly – that isn’t easy to do because – as an audience – we’re not privy to a good deal of what could’ve been going on behind-the-scenes that may or may not have contributed to crafting a particularly uninspired experience; but I think you can imagine where the instructor wanted us to go.  He desired our dissection of plot.  He intended for us to dissemble the visuals with the intent of discerning weaknesses.  He hoped we could both identify storytelling deficiencies and suggest ways out of that corner a storyteller had painted him, his cast, and his crew into, all with a desire to salvage what went wrong and maybe put things right.
 
Well … that’s a hard line to toe when you’re starting out with something like Lycan Colony.
 
As a film, it has too many small(ish) storylines going in disparate directions.  I suspect that in the mind of its writer/director Rob Roy that maybe it made perfect sense, and – were I to toss back a few beers – I might agree.  But on a purely conscious level, I can’t quite make sense of what the filmmaker set out to achieve with something so incredibly low-budget and horrifically performed.  While it hints of little more than a small town’s attempt to have its own The Howling, there just isn’t enough intestinal fortitude here of a central thread for this Colony to be more than the sum of its parts.
 
Because it’s clearly handicapped by the lack of any true financial investment, I don’t believe it’s necessary (nor productive) to point out some of the deficiencies of the props, sets, make-up, creature FX, and more.  (I learned long ago – and made peace with the fact – that some productions simply don’t have as much money as others, and that sucks.)  But Roy and his merry band do try – in rather elementary fashion – to construct a story here – one that involves werewolves, witches, and the aura of small town society – and I guess (on that same elementary level) they’re deserving of a bit of … erm … praise?  I’m just not finding the right words today.  Apologies.
 
I’ve often written about differences between big studio productions and B-Movies, allowing enough wiggle room for the reality that indie productions sometimes introduce a third tier that never quite gets enough recognition.  Still, what you have with Lycan Colony is that fourth category – a truly homegrown almost community-theater-style film – that’s not quite schlocky enough to be true schlock.  It winds up being little more than a filmed curiosity – one that somehow keeps churning scene after scene in spite of now authentic forward momentum … and I just don’t quite know what to call it.
 
Yes, yes, and yes: some folks call it sh#t.  Some folks call it garbage.  Some folks call it inferior.  And yet there are still folks like me who’ll watch it and take the occasion to sound of on it because – like any work of art – it’s deserving of some attention, however modest.  In that respect, I’ll admit to some confusion mostly because I’m entirely uncertain if I was supposed to take any of this seriously.  It’s so obviously flawed here and there – with jarring cuts and musical tracks popping in and out at seemingly random times – that I can’t quite wrap my head around its mildly hallucinogenic appeal (but only mild, folks).  Effects inclusions are downright laughable, suggesting that they were more of an afterthought than part of the original premise; and it’s hard to reconcile the constantly shifting tone much less the humble impact of so many uninspired performances.
​

So … thank you, Lycan Colony.  I still don’t know what to make of you.  But thank you, all the same.
 
Lycan Colony (2006) was produced by Wits’-End Entertainment. DVD distribution (for this particular release) has been coordinated by the fine folks at Visual Vengeance.  As for the technical specifications?  While I’m no trained video expert, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to both see and hear how poorly all of this was strung together, and I can’t help but wonder if a single film school student couldn’t have improved some of the sights and sounds in editing.  This is downright atrocious at times: display ratio keep shifting here and there, the film has color overlays that make zero sense, and the soundtrack is jarringly amateurish to say the least.
 
But, hey, if you’re looking for special features?  Visual Vengeance is definitely emerging as a prominent player in the world of schlock, and they’ve ponied up not one but two commentary tracks for those interested in knowing a bit more.  There’s also an interview with Roy; the full RiffTrax version of the production; a blooper reel; a music video; the theatrical trailer; and a good handful of packaging extras including stickers, artwork, and an essay.  This is a surprisingly inclusive collection, and hats off (again) to Visual Vengeance for doing their homework.  It’s always appreciated!
 
Sorry, folks, but this one is hard to recommend … unless you’re a connoisseur of just plain bad cinema.
 
What I did find overwhelmingly disappointing about Lycan Colony (2006) is that about the time something interesting manages to work its way into this increasingly curious failure, it’s almost as if Rob Roy went into overdrive trying to snuff out such goodness, not unlike throwing a sack of puppies off a bridge into a raging river.  And, yes, there are a few inspired nuggets in here – some not entirely original, some not entirely sane – but the film just can’t escape its maker’s own worst impulses to throw something bizarre into the mix when it needn’t be there at all.  It’s no wonder this one has received the RiffTrax treatment … as maybe there’s never been a more deserving production.
 
In the interests of fairness, I’m pleased to disclose that the fine folks at Visual Vengeance provided me with a complimentary Blu-ray of Lycan Colony (2006) by request for the expressed purpose of completing this review.  Their contribution to me in no way, shape, or form influenced my opinion of it.

​-- EZ