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Stardate 06.28.2017.A: DVD Reviews

6/28/2017

 
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Kino Lorber Resurrects Star Crystal (1986),
​But Should They Have?


There are bad movies ... and then there are BAD movies.

​
By bad movies, I mean that the film just isn’t all that good, though some of its performances and/or technical details and/or narrative merits might deserve a bit of thoughtful examination.  And by BAD movies, I generally mean that the motion picture fails on perhaps every single level to achieve any measure of praise much less consistency.  The truth is that all of us have probably suffered the misfortune of viewing both types of flicks, and we’ve probably confused one with the other on more than one occasion.

​
Still, somehow storytellers persist in exploring good ideas in flawed ways, and that’s probably part and parcel of how something like 1986’s Star Crystal got off the ground in the first place.  It’s a feature quite probably conceived by amateurs, staffed with wannabes, and eventually handled by studio laypersons who either never sat through a single viewing or did, realized it had some “issues,” and then tried duping audiences with advertising that had little to nothing to do with the principle tale of space exploration gone equally as awry as this film’s attempt.

​But I still have something to say about that ...


(NOTE: The following review will contain minor spoilers necessary solely for the discussion of plot and/or characters.  If you’re the type of reader who prefers a review entirely spoiler-free, then I’d encourage you to skip down to the last few paragraphs for my final assessment.  If, however, you’re accepting of a few modest hints at ‘things to come,’ then read on …)
​
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From the product packaging:
“In the year 2035 scientists discovered a new life form … they wish they hadn’t.  It was found during a routine expedition to Mars, buried just beneath the surface of the angry red planet.  But what was initially thought to be just a curiously shaped rock turned out to be something much more: hidden within was an unknown alien species unlike any that science had ever encountered …”

There’s more, but I’ll leave it at that as the synopsis goes into more plot detail than I typically involve myself with, though I will say this: I’ve done a fair amount of reading on the web of available reviews, and I could consequently build a case that many have done a disservice to Star Crystal by ignoring the film as a whole and merely picking apart the plot (endlessly).  Yes, I concur: the feature is perhaps boundless with errors, inaccuracies, and inconsistencies, but (I’m paraphrasing) “nitpicking will never make an author great.”

As I’ve always said, there are two ways to be exceptional in this great big world of ours: you can either visibly work to be the best you can be OR you can tear down those who’ve come before.  Just as Star Crystal suffers from its own shortcomings, it quite possibly has found new life on the web and in various B-Movie forums thanks to those constantly dissecting it.  So – let’s just get this out of the way right up front: this is a BAD movie.

But I’m still going to give it the time of day it deserves.  After all, someone put it together.  Someone wrote its script.  Someone built its set.  And plenty of someones starred in it.  Something needs to be said about those someones as well, and I’ll try in my own humble way to set the record straight.
​
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Crystal’s credits indicate that Eric Woster and Lance Lindsay both had hands in writing the story, and both are cited as serving in several roles behind-the-scenes.  While I could be wrong, there’s a part of me that honestly suspects though they conceived this mildly disjointed premise, the cast and crew probably ad-libbed some of this on the fly.  I say this because Crystal story shifts gears so many times that even a cursory examination of a completed script should’ve alerted even a young mind to some of its more obvious plot holes.

In fashioning their tale, Woster and Lindsay clearly drew upon some influences of like-minded motion pictures, of which Ridley Scott’s Alien (1979) and Steven Spielberg’s E.T. The Extraterrestrial (1982) are top contenders.  (One might question how to seamlessly blend perhaps the polar opposites of alien encounter films – the Xenomorph is the ultimate space killer while E.T. is the lovable stuffed animal – so let it be said that, minimally, these writers were indeed ambitious!)  But there are also hints of ideas explored in 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968) and Silent Running (1972) in there as well, though it’s hard to conclude all of this was deliberate.  My point here is that Woster and Lindsay occasionally pushed for higher ideas (Crystal’s vicious alien reformed itself when exposed to the influence of religion) over the obvious crowd-pleasing elements (the hunting and killing of the helpless human crew), and that alone shows some forethought.  (Granted, it could’ve been handled better, but it is what it is.)

As B-Movies go, Crystal occasionally benefits from its more practical elements, that being in-camera effects work and set construction.  The evolving creature effects – though ultimately uneven – do flourish from time-to-time the way pictures used to do in the era bereft of CGI; and the modelmakers showed an understanding of what it took to make handsome spacecraft with respectable detail.  (Thankfully, the space station highlighted in the film’s set-up isn’t around for long, as it’s probably the weakest of the bunch.)  Also, the shuttlecraft’s bridge interiors are good to look at, though someone should’ve walked the technical staff through the ways and means to alternate the blinking panel lights as obvious stock patterns are detectable thanks to the long takes.  Still, I suspect budget limitations probably required so many interiors be designed as crawlspaces (think of Star Trek’s ‘Jefferies Tubes’) rather than corridors, and this construct made it somewhat difficult to increase tension given human beings can only crawl so fast to begin with, much less when they’re being chased.
​
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Now … about those actors and actresses?

Any reasonable view of the available IMDB.com profile suggests that most of the on-camera talent appeared in just Crystal and maybe one or two other films, another clue as to the availability of resources to pay for name players.  (Again) I could be wrong, but this also suggests to me that the film was a labor of love – think of it as the ultimate “community theatre project” – thrown together by folks who wanted to make their own SciFi flick, and all did the best they could with the skills God and man had given them.  Lines are delivered like words off a page far too often, and – on a few occasions – they aren’t even lines so much as they are ‘asides’ filling space between the action, another reason why I suggested some of the feature was ad-libbed.  And, yes, a few scenes are downright cringeworthy – the ultimate happenstance long tied to (you guessed it) B-Movie failures.

Still, I’m a SciFi junkie.  Always have been.  Always will be.  So you’ll have to pardon me if I conclude that there’s enough charm in here – some of it good, much of it bad – to make for a single viewing.  Definitively: no, I’ll probably never watch this one again, but if you’ve a knack for some slow pacing, stilted storytelling, and curious failures then this one might be worth your time as well.  Again, knowing that so many have found this a BAD movie didn’t keep me from enjoying my 91 minutes with it: in fact, maybe I did it for spite.

Ultimately, I suppose it’s fair to say that Star Crystal deserves an awful lot of the derision its suffered throughout the decades since its release.  The story is a hodge-podge, the acting is unintentionally laughable (at times), and much of it makes little sense … who’s to say that isn’t how it was intended?
​
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Star Crystal (1986) was produced by Balcor Film Investors and Eric Woster.  DVD Distribution for this release was handled by Kino Lorber.  As for the technical specifications?  Meh.  Kino Lorber’s Blu-ray actually looks quite good (especially given the age), but the audio suffers most likely from sub-standard efforts at recording this during production (volume goes up and down from time to time for no obvious reasons save for bad mike work).  Sadly, there are no special features related to the production (the disc does have trailers for related Kino Lorber releases); I suspect that’s probably as most of these folks were somewhat unheard of then, remain unheard of today, or have passed on.  (Woster’s IMDB.com details do confirm that he left us at the young, young age of 33.)

(MODESTLY) RECOMMENDED but only for serious, die-hard SciFi junkies like myself OR cinema buffs interested in the occasional curiosity.
  As I said above, I wanted to check this one out for two reasons: (1) I’d never seen it, and (2) so many who had seen it ripped it to shreds.  While I do find it hard to argue against the feature’s obvious failures, I’d be remiss if I failed to point out that Star Crystal still represents what SciFi was for so many of us who grew up on 70’s and 80’s disposable films: it’s great that Kino Lorber has given this one what’ll probably still be a short second coming.

In the interests of fairness, I’m pleased to disclose that the fine folks at Kino Lorber provided me with a Blu-ray of Star Crystal (1986) for the expressed purposes of completing this review; and their contribution to me in no way, shape, or form influenced my opinion of it.

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As always, thanks for reading ... and live long and prosper!

Stardate 06.21.2017.B: Television

6/21/2017

 
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Discovery Getting Discovered September 24th


After several high profile delays, Paramount has announced that they're finally premiering the forthcoming addition into the Star Trek franchise -- Star Trek: Discovery -- this September 24th on CBS.  (Link)  After the pilot episode airs, subsequent hours will be available in the United States only via CBS All Access, the network's online subscriber platform.

Like so many die-hard Trek enthusiasts, I'm surprising uninterested in this new series.  I think they've got a solid cast, sure, but streaming?  Streaming ONLY?  Pay $10 a month for only 15 hours and still have to sit through commercials, albeit limited ones?  Seems like more than a buzzkill to me, and I do hope the suits know what they're doing with this one.

​I'm far more inclined to wait for this one to drop on home video (DVD/Blu-ray) and then pick up a copy as that seems like a fairer expense than venturing into the streaming business.  That way, I'll get some extras (most likely) and be able to spend the rest of my savings on hats.

​As always, thanks for reading ... and live long and prosper!

Stardate 06.21.2017.A: Motion Pictures

6/21/2017

 
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Lord And Miller Exit The Han Solo Movie


Let me just say that I am not the least bit surprised that Phil Lord and Christopher Miller have dropped out of Disney’s impending Han Solo stand-alone feature (link) citing “creative differences.”  (Ahem!)  Again, NOT the least bit surprised.  In fact, I was one of the few voices on what will remain an unnamed website who questioned what achievement of theirs that got them cast onto the project in the first place.  Lego-lovers (Lord and Miller are responsible for The Lego Movie) bashed me endlessly, proclaiming that their singular comic vision would make for the most innovative if not downright hilarious Star Wars movie ever, and that’s when I knew I was better off arguing with sand.

See, franchise pictures – like it or not – have to incorporate what I’ve always called “narrative sameness.”
  In other words, while any big property might have several separate entries within their cinematic mythology – each if not every one of them helmed by different directors – all of the films are still expected to fit within the overall aesthetic expected by the owners (not necessarily the producers as some roles blend within differing corporate structures).

It wasn’t all that long ago that the revered Edgar Wright was cast with the responsibility of bringing Marvel’s Ant-Man to the silver screen, and the Marvel fans were out on the web in full force claiming that his “singular comic vision would make for the most innovative if not downright hilarious Marvel movie ever.”
  (Sound familiar?)  At that time, I remarked that I suspected Wright would have some “technical difficulties” in adapting his particular style of Marvel and Walt Disney’s wishes, and (naturally) I was poopooed endlessly for not knowing anything about the business and warned that I’d do better sticking to picking out the curtains in my parent’s basement.  (Snarks can be so vicious sometimes.)

Like back then, I say this not to impugn anyone’s character, certainly not the likes of Wright, Lord, or Miller.
  I think that they’re all talented individuals, and while I may not have found some or even all of their films to be to my liking I’d never argue that they aren’t good products … and that’s the key word: “product.”

Disney expects a certain product.
  Lucasfilm expects a certain product.  That’s part and parcel of their identity: they supply products to the marketplace with their logo somewhere on them.

If Wright wasn’t about to deliver an Ant-Man film that shared a certain amount of “narrative sameness” with the other Marvel events, then that was cause for concern.
  Similarly, if Lord and Miller weren’t going to deliver a Star Wars film that … I suspect you get the point by now.

Incidentally, the same thing may’ve happened with Gareth Edwards time on Rogue One: A Star Wars Story.
  If you recall, that picture made headlines when it was revealed that it would be undergoing (heavy) “reshoots” in order to fill in some holes in the story.  While reshoots are not uncommon certainly with a picture on the scale of any of the Star Wars films, the internet abounds with theories about Rogue One’s original storyline and ending as even footage from the authorized theatrical trailers and set photos clearly highlight events and developments that didn’t take place in the completed motion picture.  In fact, you can Google the subject, and there are some very, very interesting theories about what may’ve happened to certain characters based on the analysis of some clever pundits.  While we’ll probably never know for sure, it still makes for some interesting reading.

Don’t take any of this as an “I told you so” moment from yours truly as that’s rarely if ever my point.
  All I’ve saying is that I’m far from surprised that these two have stepped aside (even though I’ve read they were heartily pushed out the door as was Josh Trank and his possible Boba Fett standalone project).  I’ll wish them well, and I’ll keep my eyes open for what THEIR version of a Han Solo picture may’ve looked like.

Stardate 06.19.2017.A: In Memoriam

6/19/2017

 
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Babylon 5's Stephen Furst Passes Away


As I've had to explain far more times than I care to remember, I never quite "got" Babylon 5.

​As much as I am a fan of immersive storytelling, its character just never caught on with me; and I did give it the better part of two full seasons to show me the money.  Still -- as I often caution -- this rarely has anything to do with the talent before and behind the screen, of which I'm pleased to say the talented Stephen Furst never disappointed.  While his character of Vir Cotto was always a bit lighthearted, there's never anything wrong with delivering some mirth to lighten the mood, and Furst certainly knew his fair share about how to deliver the goods.

​Still, I'll always fondly cherish my memories of him aboard Animal House (1978), where he first came to prominence in the role of the mildly bumbling Kent Dorfman, pledge.

​Godspeed to you, Mr. Furst, wherever you may roam, and our deepest thoughts and prayers to those who knew you best.

Stardate 06.14.2017.A: Television

6/14/2017

 
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Who Goes There: A Review of Doctor Who's "Empress Of Mars"


​When a character has been around for fifty plus years, he’s often taken for granted, both by those who conceive his stories as well as those who partake of what he has to say.  And when he’s made it his business to save life as we know it, dare I suggest that his tactics could easily grow more than a bit cliché?  I’ve always thought that’s the real danger inherent in weaving yarns for Doctor Who: as one who has been watching the program off and on since the mid-1970’s, there’s a certain element of predictability to him, despite whatever actor brings him to life.

In short, he’s a hero, and he (thus) behaves heroically.  While I might not be able to anticipate his every move, there’s a fair share of his actions and reactions I can, and I would imagine that there are plenty of Whovians who think likewise.

Still, it isn’t that often that he’s scared, much less terrified, and – for my two cents – it’s grown increasingly unlikely as of late to see the Doctor legitimately “terrified” of events unfolding; and that’s what makes Empress Of Mars particularly satisfying.  He’s aware of the threat to humanity, and he’s equally aware of the danger he places himself in while trying to broker whatever peaceful outcome he can for this circumstance.

As for the story …

A trip to NASA for the unveiling of new photographs from Mars delivers a shocking development for the Doctor, Bill, and Nardole: a series of rocks spelling out ‘God Save The Queen’ puts them back into the TARDIS and on their own trip to the Red Planet.  Once there, they find a battalion of British soldiers working alongside the sole surviving Ice Warrior to uncover a civilization’s lost riches … but the surprising awakening of the Ice Queen might spell doom for one and all unless the Doctor and Bill can convince the female leader to give peace a chance.

Who scribe Mark Gatiss proves once again to have “the right stuff” in returning the Ice Warriors to the modern era: certainly the British redcoats are no match for the alien fighters, not when they’ve proven to be the stuff of even the Doctor’s nightmares.  TV veteran Wayne Yip directs, giving Empress the feel of a comfortable throwback to the days of simpler, less-heady tales – the inevitable clash of nationalist cultures both bent on colonial expansion.

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​To ramp up the tension, Gatiss gradually slips away those elements our central character has come to rely on as of late.  First, the TARDIS is uncharacteristically whisked away from the dire predicament on Mars, taking Nardole with it.  Second, the sonic screwdriver proves to still have no setting for wood.  (Yeah, it’s a bit comical, but it still proves my point.)  Third, the Empress herself extends from a matriarchal society, meaning she’s less likely to take the Doctor’s words of advice and instead turns to Bill.  These developments serve to heighten the anxiety, and Capaldi gives a great turn focusing the lead character’s apprehensions about how he can best manage the conflict, especially given the fact he’s essentially relegated to second-tier status.

Pearl Mackie’s Bill spends a bit too much time gawking bug-eyed from the sidelines, a role she’s started to obviously feel a bit more comfortable in.  (It’s probably never easy to play second fiddle in any Science Fiction universe, especially one as wondrous as Who’s.)  Once she realizes the responsibility of saving the day has fallen to her, she rises to the occasion much in the way a Companion of stories of old would: speaking exactly the way the Doctor has raised her to believe.  Nardole eventually returns with the TARDIS, but he’s not without help – a last second development that’s a mild cliffhanger for what’s likely to come as the tenth season nears completion.

And while I’m on the subject of performances, let me add that Adele Lynch’s turn as Queen Iraxxa was downright evil: she ably chewed scenery as the lady awakened from her slumber for the purpose of returning her empire to its former glory.  I’ve been assured that make-up often makes the job easier, but kudos to the actress for giving malevolence such a delicious face.

I realize I may end up being alone in my high praise of Empress.  (Trust me, that’s a position I tend to occupy more and more the older I get.)  But the hour worked wonderfully for me because it completely ignored some of the heavier themes of the last few seasons and stuck to one self-contained story.  Even though it felt like a throwback, I think remembering where any franchise has come from and doing it well is never a bad thing, even when that past is largely men-in-suits playing monsters and an elderly traveler preaching about how life is precious.

​Where I live, those things rarely go out of style, and Who’s Empress was a welcome diversion, especially when I know a regeneration is right around the corner.

Stardate 06.12.2017.A: Destinations

6/12/2017

 
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Star Trek: The Cruise II Setting Sail in 2018


Perhaps proving that old saying -- "once is never enough" -- the crew of the various Star Trek incarnations are setting sail for another fan-friendly cruise early in 2018.  I had seen this advertisement a short time ago, and I meant to share it here previously: it just somehow got lost in the shuffle of news and reviews.  For those of you interested, be sure to check out there official website right here.

Meh.  That's a little too rich for my blood, though I suppose if those of you who plan on excursions like this have time to plan ahead then maybe you can set your latinum aside for such an event.  I do love a good convention as much as the next person, but I'll also admit I was a bit disillusioned the last time I partook of an official Star Trek event.  Don't get me wrong: they're super-fun in all kinds of ways ... I just don't like being lectured by well-paid actors and actresses on how I should live my life politically (here's looking at you, Takei), nor do I like the fact that several of them use these get-togethers to kinda/sorta finance their own outside causes.  I guess there's nothing wrong with celebrities using fan venues to raise money for a charity or whatnot, but given what it costs to get in to these things, stay at the hotel, sit for an official autograph event, and all you'd think some regular Joes might feel a bit guilty about asking you to spend more.  I guess I'm just old fashioned ... and you kids get off my lawn!

​As always, thanks for reading ... and live long and prosper!

Stardate 06.07.2017.D: Television

6/7/2017

 
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Tala Ashe To Become Legendary, Joins Cast Of
​The CW's 'Legends Of Tomorrow' For Season 3


To my learned tastes, the first season of The CW's Legends Of Tomorrow was a bit more interesting than the second one (which concluded not all that long ago): the many trips through time seemed a bit more instrumental in the former mission as opposed to the latter, but both seasons were definitely grounded in effective superhero action for a network practically built around the genre.

​Recently, Variety (link) announced that the fetching Tala Ashe had signed with the program for its third season: details are a bit scarce (I'm certain much of this is currently transitioning from the drawing board to the story boards), but the newspaper is reporting she'll be filling out the shoes of Zari Adrianna Tomaz, a Muslim-American of the near-future.  She'll eventually fill out the spandex as Isis, yet one more secondary hero within the greater DC Comics Universe.  (For those unaware, Legends' showrunners have long maintained that their program would keep an open door policy, allowing heroes to come and go as their storytelling requirements change from season to season.)

​If it interests you, then check out the link above.  As always, thanks for reading ... and live long and prosper!

Stardate 06.07.2017.C: Television

6/7/2017

 
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TNT's 'Snowpiercer' Adds Starpower By signing Jennifer Connelly To Cast


2013's Snowpiercer was one of those films that did fairly well critically but ultimately failed to garner a sizable audience.  Science Fiction and political satire can make for strange bedfellows, especially when the mores and themes explored are just a bit off-center and maybe a bit harder to swallow than, say, our planet being overrun by intelligent apes.  I saw it not long after it dropped onto home video, and -- for what it was -- I enjoyed it quite well.  I didn't "chat it up" so to speak as I figured its beauty would be lost on most.

​In any event, Snowpiercer is still a kinda/sorta strange SciFi commodity to make the transition to the small screen.  (For those unaware, the film was based on a graphic novel.)  More accessible properties like Planet of the Apes, Logan's Run, and Alien Nation enjoyed limited success in heading from the silver screen to the small screen, but none of them made it out of their single-season existences.  (Alien Nation did eventually launch a series of telefilms to tie up some loose ends and continue to develop plotlines from the show, but you catch my drift.)  Given its lackluster box office, I'm not certain what the suits at TNT are expecting, but rest assured I'll be there when it eventually airs.

​Deadline (link) has published a story today citing that award-winning actress Jennifer Connelly has boarded that "train to nowhere," and I think that definitely bodes well for the project.  She's a recognized talent who has an established track record in choosing excellent stories, and I suspect her participation will raise some eyebrows amongst the entertainment intelligentsia.  Check out the link for a few more details on the production, if you're interested.

​As always, thanks for reading ... and live long and prosper!

Stardate 06.07.2017.B: Motion Pictures

6/7/2017

 
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Will She Or Won't She?
​Patty Jenkins Is DC Cinematic Universe's New 'Wonder Woman'


Color me confused, but Screen Rant (link) is reporting that Wonder Woman director Patty Jenkins has not yet been official signed to return and direct a sequel to the popular DC Universe motion picture.  This report follows hot on the heels of another one I read just the other day that suggested not only had she signed but also she'd had more than a few ideas about where the next film would go with the character, time period, etc.

​I don't know what the status of this is, but one would think that the Powers That Be would want to lock that down while Jenkins' availability remains solid.  Certainly with the feature's success, her clout in Tinseltown and beyond is on-the-rise, and even though I had some quibbles with the first flick I'd hate to see someone else take the reins and push the property in a different direction.

​As always, thanks for reading ... and live long and prosper!

Stardate 06.07.2017.A: Motion Pictures

6/7/2017

 
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Is This What 'The Last Jedi' Is About? (Spoilers)


All right, peeps, before you get up on your high horse and crucify me for sharing the latest "news" as provided by the folks at We Got This Covered (link and spoilers), let's remember that this is the Internet ... and, by definition, that means that there's far more garbage out there in cyberspace that could fill a galaxy full of landfills.  As is customary, you'll want to read this (A) only if you're interested in knowing what the possible plot of Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi might be and (B) only if you're willing to know what an erroneous plot of said film could be.

​As the article suggests, I don't doubt that a rough cut of the feature has been done for some time: there's certainly nothing spoiler-y about that, and I suspect the still somewhat recent passing of Carrie Fisher may've prompted all involved behind-the-camera to get at least a rough cut done for studio suits who would eventually be tasked with creating a storyline for Episode IX (as it's been long-stated -- even by the late Ms. Fisher herself -- that the final film in this new trilogy would've been Leia's central story).

Again, it is what it is, but don't follow the link if you don't want to know.

​As always, thanks for reading ... and May The Force Be With You!
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