It’s been said that the holidays are hardest on lonely people.
Of course, I’ve no reason to think that’s false. It’s something that’s been observed for so long that I think it’s generally accepted as truth. Stores are closed on Christmas Day – well, for the most part, I think that’s still the norm – and families are shut in with one another celebrating the most wonderful time of the year. It should go without saying that the silly season is meant to be a kinda/sorta communal event for friends and family, one where we gather together as a remembrance of things past while keeping an eye on our collective future. It’s a time of year when we’re truly supposed to dwell upon the best of things mankind has to offer, and I suspect that’s the case for most of us.
Still …
Because our shared attentions are focused elsewhere, it could also be the perfect time of year to, say, rob a bank and abscond with a few cool millions, am I right?
Think about it. No one’s really at work. The places are locked up tight with very little practical oversight. The police – those christened with serving and protecting – are likely a bit understaffed with their resources stretched paper thin. If something big and grand in the category of grand larceny were to go down, then it might statistically be more likely to succeed than fail, what with everyone looking over there while the burglars are doing things over here. Why shouldn’t those with some darker aspirations put some serious thought into such a possibility?
From what I’ve read, such has been one of the many artistic pursuits for actor, writer, and producer Simon Phillips. In 2017, he made the yuletide gay with his project Once Upon A Time At Christmas, essentially a slasher flick wherein the evildoers went about the bloody business dressed as Santa and Mrs. Claus. In 2019, Phillips revisited the idea with The Nights Before Christmas, another bloody yarn that saw the same diabolical pair playing murderous footsy with the FBI. Well, it would seem the man is back in the holiday spirit – as it were – as he’s now unleashed another Xmas bloody Xmas under the name of Silent Bite (2024), a Horror/Crime hybrid that bits a group of hardened bank robbers against the sorority of hungry vampiresses.
Lacking the necessary mistletoe, these men and women collide in less festive fashions, and audiences just know very few – if any – are likely to make it out alive.
Just like the holidays for the rest of us …
(NOTE: The following review will contain minor spoilers necessary solely for the discussion of plot and/or characters. If you’re the type of reader who prefers a review entirely spoiler-free, then I’d encourage you to skip down to the last few paragraphs for the final assessment. If, however, you’re accepting of a few modest hints at ‘things to come,’ then read on …)
Of course, I’ve no reason to think that’s false. It’s something that’s been observed for so long that I think it’s generally accepted as truth. Stores are closed on Christmas Day – well, for the most part, I think that’s still the norm – and families are shut in with one another celebrating the most wonderful time of the year. It should go without saying that the silly season is meant to be a kinda/sorta communal event for friends and family, one where we gather together as a remembrance of things past while keeping an eye on our collective future. It’s a time of year when we’re truly supposed to dwell upon the best of things mankind has to offer, and I suspect that’s the case for most of us.
Still …
Because our shared attentions are focused elsewhere, it could also be the perfect time of year to, say, rob a bank and abscond with a few cool millions, am I right?
Think about it. No one’s really at work. The places are locked up tight with very little practical oversight. The police – those christened with serving and protecting – are likely a bit understaffed with their resources stretched paper thin. If something big and grand in the category of grand larceny were to go down, then it might statistically be more likely to succeed than fail, what with everyone looking over there while the burglars are doing things over here. Why shouldn’t those with some darker aspirations put some serious thought into such a possibility?
From what I’ve read, such has been one of the many artistic pursuits for actor, writer, and producer Simon Phillips. In 2017, he made the yuletide gay with his project Once Upon A Time At Christmas, essentially a slasher flick wherein the evildoers went about the bloody business dressed as Santa and Mrs. Claus. In 2019, Phillips revisited the idea with The Nights Before Christmas, another bloody yarn that saw the same diabolical pair playing murderous footsy with the FBI. Well, it would seem the man is back in the holiday spirit – as it were – as he’s now unleashed another Xmas bloody Xmas under the name of Silent Bite (2024), a Horror/Crime hybrid that bits a group of hardened bank robbers against the sorority of hungry vampiresses.
Lacking the necessary mistletoe, these men and women collide in less festive fashions, and audiences just know very few – if any – are likely to make it out alive.
Just like the holidays for the rest of us …
(NOTE: The following review will contain minor spoilers necessary solely for the discussion of plot and/or characters. If you’re the type of reader who prefers a review entirely spoiler-free, then I’d encourage you to skip down to the last few paragraphs for the final assessment. If, however, you’re accepting of a few modest hints at ‘things to come,’ then read on …)
From the film’s IMDB.com page citation:
“A gang of bank robbers take shelter in a motel after a Christmas Eve bank heist, unbeknownst to them they are not the most dangerous thing seeking refuge on this cold Christmas night.”
Why, I think it was John McClane – that rogue movie cop – who once staked out such territory as Christmas to do some of his very best work. In 1988’s Die Hard, he spent time trying to reconcile with his estranged wife while also saving Nakatomi Plaza from some international terrorists intent on seizing untold millions in bearer bonds during the holiday season. Then again – in 1990 – the detective was back on the job – still working out issues with his wife – this time seeing Washington Dulles International Airport as his gateway toward battling ne’er-do-wells from crashing countless airplanes in a plot to divert authorities from their absconding with a South American drug lord. If you think it’s only Santa who can get in and out undetected, then you’d better think again!
Now, I don’t want that to mislead any of you into thinking that director Taylor Martin’s Silent Bite is anything like Die Hard I and II. There’s no crusading copper in this dark tale; but the film does loosely take that whole idea of utilizing one unique setting – here some kitschy backwater hotel on the edge of civilization – to explore its characters and their circumstances. Both sides – good and bad – are holed up at one location; and, together, they’re bound to come into conflict in the simple task of surviving the night. On that front, Bite is thematically very similar to a great number of motion pictures … and, yet, it lacks a good deal of one seminal word in its title.
Simply put, it has little ‘bite.’
Father Christmas (played by Simon Phillips), Prancer aka Blake (Luke Avoledo), Grinch (Nick Biskupek), Snowman (Michael Swatton), and Rudolph (Dan Molson) have just pulled off a bank heist, netting a cool few million dollars in exchange for doing the deed. While Rudolph is off misdirecting the authorities all of his own, the remaining four criminals are shacked up in a motel waiting for sunlight, at which point they’ll be reunited with their driver and head off scott free in another direction, no one the wiser. But the resulting hiccup in the whole affair is that the quiet resort also happens to be the preferred lodging to a group of female vampires led by the domineering Mother (Sayla de Goede), and they’ve got their sights set on making Christmas dinner out of the lot of wanted men.
As the movies would have you believe, you can’t assemble a team of five men without creating a measure of conflict on its own; and this is the foundation around which director Martin and Phillips (who stars and wrote the script) tries to erect this house of cards. Yes, it’s the kind of thing we’ve likely all seen before – both 1960’s and 2016’s The Magnificent Seven are solid examples of scripts that get great mileage out of conflicting alpha males jockeying for their own respective leg room in the same space – and it even works respectfully here and there. Father Christmas has been around the block – probably with even a few of these faces before – so he knows he needs to appeal to each of them individually, a sentiment which puts the others at odds with Prancer, a wet-behind-the-ears college grad whose is only doing this to settle his late father’s gambling debt. Group dynamics being what they are, these four men spend a fair amount of time both criticizing and gladhanding one another, mostly because this is what audiences have been told male camaraderie looks like. Fair enough.
Where Silent Bite’s foundation totally crumbles is on the weaknesses of the fairer sex. De Goede delivers her lines as if she’s part of some cut rate community theater outlet, chewing scenery only because that’s how it’s been written and not as if she firmly believes any of it. Selene (Sienna Star) is the young Turk amongst the bloodsucking group always challenging Mother’s established authority, but not even she seems to be on the same page regarding how to hold her own artistically once the chips begin to fall. Lucia (Louisa Capulet) and Victoria (Kelly Schwartz) both capably manage to look pretty – that’s all the script really leaves for them to do, sadly – but neither are up to the challenge of being much more than ‘bait’ for the potentially lecherous men when they come calling … in the swimming pool, of all places.
“A gang of bank robbers take shelter in a motel after a Christmas Eve bank heist, unbeknownst to them they are not the most dangerous thing seeking refuge on this cold Christmas night.”
Why, I think it was John McClane – that rogue movie cop – who once staked out such territory as Christmas to do some of his very best work. In 1988’s Die Hard, he spent time trying to reconcile with his estranged wife while also saving Nakatomi Plaza from some international terrorists intent on seizing untold millions in bearer bonds during the holiday season. Then again – in 1990 – the detective was back on the job – still working out issues with his wife – this time seeing Washington Dulles International Airport as his gateway toward battling ne’er-do-wells from crashing countless airplanes in a plot to divert authorities from their absconding with a South American drug lord. If you think it’s only Santa who can get in and out undetected, then you’d better think again!
Now, I don’t want that to mislead any of you into thinking that director Taylor Martin’s Silent Bite is anything like Die Hard I and II. There’s no crusading copper in this dark tale; but the film does loosely take that whole idea of utilizing one unique setting – here some kitschy backwater hotel on the edge of civilization – to explore its characters and their circumstances. Both sides – good and bad – are holed up at one location; and, together, they’re bound to come into conflict in the simple task of surviving the night. On that front, Bite is thematically very similar to a great number of motion pictures … and, yet, it lacks a good deal of one seminal word in its title.
Simply put, it has little ‘bite.’
Father Christmas (played by Simon Phillips), Prancer aka Blake (Luke Avoledo), Grinch (Nick Biskupek), Snowman (Michael Swatton), and Rudolph (Dan Molson) have just pulled off a bank heist, netting a cool few million dollars in exchange for doing the deed. While Rudolph is off misdirecting the authorities all of his own, the remaining four criminals are shacked up in a motel waiting for sunlight, at which point they’ll be reunited with their driver and head off scott free in another direction, no one the wiser. But the resulting hiccup in the whole affair is that the quiet resort also happens to be the preferred lodging to a group of female vampires led by the domineering Mother (Sayla de Goede), and they’ve got their sights set on making Christmas dinner out of the lot of wanted men.
As the movies would have you believe, you can’t assemble a team of five men without creating a measure of conflict on its own; and this is the foundation around which director Martin and Phillips (who stars and wrote the script) tries to erect this house of cards. Yes, it’s the kind of thing we’ve likely all seen before – both 1960’s and 2016’s The Magnificent Seven are solid examples of scripts that get great mileage out of conflicting alpha males jockeying for their own respective leg room in the same space – and it even works respectfully here and there. Father Christmas has been around the block – probably with even a few of these faces before – so he knows he needs to appeal to each of them individually, a sentiment which puts the others at odds with Prancer, a wet-behind-the-ears college grad whose is only doing this to settle his late father’s gambling debt. Group dynamics being what they are, these four men spend a fair amount of time both criticizing and gladhanding one another, mostly because this is what audiences have been told male camaraderie looks like. Fair enough.
Where Silent Bite’s foundation totally crumbles is on the weaknesses of the fairer sex. De Goede delivers her lines as if she’s part of some cut rate community theater outlet, chewing scenery only because that’s how it’s been written and not as if she firmly believes any of it. Selene (Sienna Star) is the young Turk amongst the bloodsucking group always challenging Mother’s established authority, but not even she seems to be on the same page regarding how to hold her own artistically once the chips begin to fall. Lucia (Louisa Capulet) and Victoria (Kelly Schwartz) both capably manage to look pretty – that’s all the script really leaves for them to do, sadly – but neither are up to the challenge of being much more than ‘bait’ for the potentially lecherous men when they come calling … in the swimming pool, of all places.
Lacking a suitable narrative foil, the men rather easily come off as vastly more likable, capable, impressionable, and interesting than do the women. Adversarial plots like this work only when both sides have equal chops; while the ladies do have their chops by way of vampire fangs, they bring absolutely nothing else to the game of wills, making it an obvious one-sided affair that – because it was scripted this way – must have the forces of Darkness going down with the only obvious ray of light in here – the young and still noble Prancer – emerging reasonably unscathed in the last reel. Everything transpires likely as an audience will predict, robbing the work of any true tension except for that of these men plucking away against one another before their respective swan songs.
As good as the men are, the women needed to be of equal strength. When that doesn’t happen, the action grinds to a halt, frozen like the cast must’ve been with shooting this one in the snowy outdoors.
Silent Bite (2024) was produced by Nox Luna Media Group. DVD distribution (for this particular release) has been coordinated by the fine folks at MVD Media Entertainment. As for the technical specifications? While I’m no trained video expert, I found the provided sights-and-sounds to be very solid: some of the nighttime cinematography is quite good considering the elements, and most of the interior shoots are workably staged. (There are a few pretty bland shots and some tilted camera stuff that could’ve been better prepared.) Lastly, if you’re looking for special features? Well … get ready to be disappointed. Outside of a behind-the-scenes slide show, there’s not much else to cheer about … a lump of coal if ever there were.
Alas … only Mildly Recommended.
Perhaps the single greatest downside to Silent Bite (2024) is that it feels all too often like it was inspired by other films who’ve done this kinda/sorta thing before – i.e. Assault On Precinct 13 (1976), Die Hard (1988), Trespass (1992), and even From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) – and it can’t quite deliver anywhere near the same level with a similar premise. Some of this might be owed to the fact that Phillips – as the screenwriter – opted for it to go the chatty route instead of the action one, hoping that maybe audiences might instead to won over by a handful of crisp verbal exchanges in lieu of the light action. While that occasionally works fine, it doesn’t flow nearly as well when the onscreen talent exhibits such a lack of chemistry as do these supposed hungry vampire ladies, not one of which who delivers her lines with so much as a hint of interest. Why, it’s like the undead preferred sounding like they were perpetually undead, and their apparent disinterest kills any forward momentum the men develop. A bit of a miss, if you ask me.
In the interests of fairness, I’m pleased to disclose that the fine folks at MVD Visual Entertainment provided me with a complimentary Blu-ray of Silent Bite (2024) by request for the expressed purpose of completing this review. Their contribution to me in no way, shape, or form influenced my opinion of it.
-- EZ
As good as the men are, the women needed to be of equal strength. When that doesn’t happen, the action grinds to a halt, frozen like the cast must’ve been with shooting this one in the snowy outdoors.
Silent Bite (2024) was produced by Nox Luna Media Group. DVD distribution (for this particular release) has been coordinated by the fine folks at MVD Media Entertainment. As for the technical specifications? While I’m no trained video expert, I found the provided sights-and-sounds to be very solid: some of the nighttime cinematography is quite good considering the elements, and most of the interior shoots are workably staged. (There are a few pretty bland shots and some tilted camera stuff that could’ve been better prepared.) Lastly, if you’re looking for special features? Well … get ready to be disappointed. Outside of a behind-the-scenes slide show, there’s not much else to cheer about … a lump of coal if ever there were.
Alas … only Mildly Recommended.
Perhaps the single greatest downside to Silent Bite (2024) is that it feels all too often like it was inspired by other films who’ve done this kinda/sorta thing before – i.e. Assault On Precinct 13 (1976), Die Hard (1988), Trespass (1992), and even From Dusk Till Dawn (1996) – and it can’t quite deliver anywhere near the same level with a similar premise. Some of this might be owed to the fact that Phillips – as the screenwriter – opted for it to go the chatty route instead of the action one, hoping that maybe audiences might instead to won over by a handful of crisp verbal exchanges in lieu of the light action. While that occasionally works fine, it doesn’t flow nearly as well when the onscreen talent exhibits such a lack of chemistry as do these supposed hungry vampire ladies, not one of which who delivers her lines with so much as a hint of interest. Why, it’s like the undead preferred sounding like they were perpetually undead, and their apparent disinterest kills any forward momentum the men develop. A bit of a miss, if you ask me.
In the interests of fairness, I’m pleased to disclose that the fine folks at MVD Visual Entertainment provided me with a complimentary Blu-ray of Silent Bite (2024) by request for the expressed purpose of completing this review. Their contribution to me in no way, shape, or form influenced my opinion of it.
-- EZ
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